Cleanup on Aisle Five

Black/Red/Green Dispose of the Evidence

Body Launderer by Matt Stewart

It’s Threat Level: Midnight on the streets of New Capenna, and the bodies are dropping left and right. Ask one of Capenna’s lethal assassins to clean up after themselves, and they’re bound to protest, “I makes the bodies, I doesn’t dispose of the bodies!” Someone’s got to do the dirty work before the authorities catch wind. Enter the Cleaning Crew. Got a body to sink in the river? Evidence to shred? A house to burn down? Hidetsugu and his crew of ogres, orcs, and iron-stomached humans can handle it.

Use Hidetsugu and Body Launderer to grind through your library (and your opponent’s creatures!) while piling counters on Body Launderer. Destroy the Evidence gets cards in your opponent’s graveyard for Grime Gorger to snack on. Bone Shredder is great for creature removal, then gives you a handy sacrifice trigger for Gutter Grime and Crowded Crypt.

Use Wrecking Ogre’s Bloodrush ability to fuel a massive finishing blow for one of your heavy hitters, or burst the seams of your Crowded Crypt and swarm your opponent with all those bodies you’ve been disposing of. It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it!

Creatures (22)

  • 1 Hidetsugu, Devouring Chaos
  • 1 Body Launderer
  • 1 Storm Fleet Arsonist
  • 1 Ogre Arsonist
  • 1 Wrecking Ogre
  • 4 Unlucky Witness
  • 2 Crooked Custodian
  • 2 Corpse Hauler
  • 2 Bone Shredder
  • 2 Grime Gorger
  • 2 Wrecking Crew
  • 3 Cleanup Crew

Artifacts (1)

  • 1 Crowded Crypt

Enchantments (1)

  • 1 Gutter Grime

Sorceries (8)

  • 2 Destroy the Evidence
  • 2 Burn Down the House
  • 2 Incriminate
  • 2 Corpse Explosion

Instants (12)

  • 2 Dig Up the Body
  • 2 Call in a Professional
  • 2 Defenestrate
  • 2 Broken Wings
  • 2 Wrecking Ball
  • 2 Waste Management

Lands (24)

(I like Streets of New Capenna artwork for the basic lands)

  • 2 Tramway Station
  • 2 Racers’ Ring
  • 6 Forest
  • 6 Mountain
  • 6 Swamp

Tokens

  • 1/1 Red Devil
  • 2/2 Black Rogue
  • 2/2 Black Zombie with Decayed
  • */* Ooze
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